Time to clean up our leadership
For the past week I've fallen into some old patterns and old practices - it's time to clean it up!
Many of our readers, myself included, are being faced with the impossible decision of whether or not to send our kids back to school in the Fall. This anxiety-filled decision has caused my old practices to bubble to the top.
For our readers who do not have kids or have kids no longer of schooling age, STAY WITH ME. This story can serve you and your leadership too, so keep reading.
This is what the last seven days in my world has been like:
(1) I've been using the sloppy word SHOULD. Should I send my kids to school? Should they stay home? Should I hire a tutor? Should I scale back my job? Should I purchase more face masks, beyond the 50 I already have? I have been should-ing all over myself, my husband, and even my kids. I've fallen into the trap of seeking the RIGHT choice, the PERFECT choice, the FOOLPROOF choice. I spend many hours agonizing over my choices and wishing someone would just tell me what to do. Someone SHOULD tell me what to do, gosh darnit! And then when I make a choice in my head, I map out the correlating consequences and decide I don't like them. I inevitably end up back at the drawing board.
(2) I've been creating what we call a "negative future fantasy". I plot a choice out in my mind and then project out to the future and create a whole scenario of what could happen. It sounds something like this: "ok, so I send the boys to school, and then someone in the school contracts COVID, then the boys have to come home and quarantine for 14 days. I will be a nervous wreck the entire time. And oh, they played with the other kids in the neighborhood so did they infect them too? And now are my husband and I going to get sick? Who's going to take care of the kids if we get sick? My parents can't come over - too dangerous." Get the gist?
(3) I've been operating from a place of fear. So... much... fear. Fear about the unknown, fear about the "what if's", fear over making the wrong choice, fear of the uncertainty of it all, fear for our health...
Now, let's get this all handled TOGETHER ...
(1) There is no right or wrong choice in all of this, there just is a choice. As leaders we make choices all the time, and a powerful practice is to stand by that choice and accept the correlating consequences of that choice (the good and the bad) - and then don't look back. Too often we have choice A and B in front of us and we want choice A, but with the consequences of choice B. Life doesn't work that way. You choose A, you get the consequences of choice A. So make a choice and stand by that choice. It's not right or wrong, it JUST IS. Above all else, stop should-ing on yourself and other people.
(2) All we really know and have is the PRESENT. COVID or no COVID, none of us have the ability to predict the future. STOP the 'negative future fantasies', or as I often say it, "catastrophizing" the situation. Leaders who operate from a place of being OPEN, PRESENT and CONNECTED are the ones who inspire. When we are closed, distracted, and disconnected (i.e. hypothesizing the future) we cannot lead, we cannot inspire, and we cannot create. Begin to operate from what you know RIGHT NOW. Stick with the challenge of the moment, not the endless horizon of "possible" challenges.
(3) FEAR. FEAR makes us stupid most of the time. Back in February my colleague Devon Bandison shared his own relationship with the word FEAR. At that time I had no idea just how valuable this distinction would be. He said FEAR leaves us with two choices ... we can either F*&@ Everything And Run OR Face Everything And Rise. I don't know about you, but I am going to choose the latter. Operating from a place of fear doesn't serve anyone, especially ourselves. Now is the time to face the uncertainty and rise together.
So whether you are a parent or not let's use this moment to clean up our leadership, and get back on the court together. Ask yourself:
1. In what areas of your life are you should-ing on yourself and other people? What might that pattern be costing you?
2. Identify a choice point in your life - notice what you might be resisting about making a choice. Are you seeking the "right" answer, or seeking the uncorrelated "consequences"? Get back into alignment and just make a choice. THEN, no matter the outcome - even if it is not an outcome you wanted - be supportive to yourself, knowing that you made the choice you thought was best at the time.
3. In the last 5 days when have you noticed yourself being CLOSED, DISTRACTED & DISCONNECTED? What might be possible when you shift into a space of being OPEN, PRESENT and CONNECTED?
4. The next time you experience a feeling of FEAR, which path will you choose? Will you F*&@ Everything And Run OR Face Everything And Rise?
Courage always,
P.S. For those parents out there who could use an extra dose of inspiration during this time of choices and decisions, watch this 2 minute video of a pediatrician sharing her advice with regards to going back to school: https://youtu.be/XwG5UqbePj8 . My most profound takeaway: "How you choose to think about the decision that you make is what will make it right". What's yours?
